The holidays are here.....
It's that time again.....THE HOLIDAYS. For many people this congers up either excitement or dread. In my business, it's most often the dread that we talk about. I think the dread comes from a hopefulness that THIS year will be different. This year my life and the people in my life will act, treat me, remember, etc, etc..... and be exactly like this image I hold in my mind of the "perfect" holiday. Unfortunately, for most people that haven't experienced great years of holiday memories, this year will most likely not be that much different if you continue to associate with those difficult people.
Why do we set ourselves up for this fall every year? I think it's because by human nature, or our neurological hard-wiring, many of us are optimists. We want to believe that this year, people in our life will grow up, take responsibility for themselves, have a moment of clarify about their dysfunction, treat us kindly, or change for the better. We want to live in that romanticized, Hollywood version of the holidays. What you CAN change though, this year, is how you choose to respond to all of this. As much as I preach optimism, it's not from a Pollyanna approach to life. I believe good things can and do happen, but mixed in with all of that needs to be some reality.
This year, how about trying a new way of thinking? When the next obnoxious, annoying or hurtful episode occurs, and you are overwhelmed with negative emotion, stop and observe your reaction. Stop and listen to that internal dialogue, the self-talk that's occurring. Instead of dwelling in your reaction of disappointment and hurt as to how this is yet another year when things have gone wrong, challenge yourself to think about the situation differently. You may say to yourself, "Joe has a pretty consistent track record of disregarding me in this way, why should I expect that he'd act any differently this year?". You can also take this a step further by talking to Joe and expressing your feelings in a productive way, such as "Joe, when you dismiss my invitation to our open house and do not call or show up, it makes me feel like you don't value our relationship". Sometimes when you engage like this with the "Joes" in your life they do "get it" and change occurs. Other times it falls on deaf ears. Sometimes, the best we can do is to have hope and try new ways of being in our relationships.... and then wait for the Christmas miracle!
Why do we set ourselves up for this fall every year? I think it's because by human nature, or our neurological hard-wiring, many of us are optimists. We want to believe that this year, people in our life will grow up, take responsibility for themselves, have a moment of clarify about their dysfunction, treat us kindly, or change for the better. We want to live in that romanticized, Hollywood version of the holidays. What you CAN change though, this year, is how you choose to respond to all of this. As much as I preach optimism, it's not from a Pollyanna approach to life. I believe good things can and do happen, but mixed in with all of that needs to be some reality.
This year, how about trying a new way of thinking? When the next obnoxious, annoying or hurtful episode occurs, and you are overwhelmed with negative emotion, stop and observe your reaction. Stop and listen to that internal dialogue, the self-talk that's occurring. Instead of dwelling in your reaction of disappointment and hurt as to how this is yet another year when things have gone wrong, challenge yourself to think about the situation differently. You may say to yourself, "Joe has a pretty consistent track record of disregarding me in this way, why should I expect that he'd act any differently this year?". You can also take this a step further by talking to Joe and expressing your feelings in a productive way, such as "Joe, when you dismiss my invitation to our open house and do not call or show up, it makes me feel like you don't value our relationship". Sometimes when you engage like this with the "Joes" in your life they do "get it" and change occurs. Other times it falls on deaf ears. Sometimes, the best we can do is to have hope and try new ways of being in our relationships.... and then wait for the Christmas miracle!
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